


How’s It Go Again?

by junkyreen



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Jack and race are only mentioned, Other, also i dont think one sided really fits but its the best i got, crutchie be trans, idk how else to describe it??, is this a vent fic? Most definitely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 16:31:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16747564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junkyreen/pseuds/junkyreen
Summary: Its nearly 2 AM, and Crutchie has a lot of unmentioned feelings.





	How’s It Go Again?

Rolling over once again, Crutchie grabbed his phone and checked the time. 

1:38 AM.

He couldn’t sleep for the life of him. 

Glancing at his phone again, he sighed and picked it up, going into discord and clicking Jack and his chat.

They hadn’t had a private chat in a while. Not since… Well, since they weren’t together.

Biting his lip, he decided fuck it and started typing out messages.

Crutchie Morris [1:39 AM]: hey jack. I know im just gonna end up deleting these messages and you wont even see them or care but i just. Cant ignore what im feeling anymore. Ill be honest. It fucking hurts so bad

Crutchie Morris [1:40 AM]: i thought you blatantly ignoring me was bad. I thought it wouldnt get any worse. But damn was i wrong. I was so fucking wrong.

Crutchie Morris [1:43 AM]: i was so happy when you messaged the friend server and actually responded to something i said. I almost started crying tears of joy. You werent ignoring me snymore and thats all that mattered to me. Now wr could be happy and at the very lrast be friends. And thats all i want, becaude i know you cant be with me. Like you said. Being with me would tear your family apart.

Crutchie Morris [1:46 AM]: And i respect that. I really do. But fuck, Kelly, the way you said that has been tearing me apart. It wasnt as bad as when you were ignoring me. Now that were actually talking, my heart aches. Its dumb. I know. We were together for a few days short of a month. I shouldnt like you as much as i do. Us not being together shouldnt hurt me. Its dumb and illogical. Yet here i am, sending all this to you. Like an idiot.

Crutchie Morris [1:48 AM]: now that you and i are talking… it makes me think of how happy i was when we were together. I want to hold your hand still. I want to sit so close to each other that were practically on each other. I want you and i to sit on the floor with the group in the morning, hugging and me leaning into you. I want one of your quick hugs that youd give me when i stopped at your locker before french.

Crutchie Morris [1:51 AM]: and im not asking you to do any of this. I wouldnt want to make you uncomfortable. I dont want you to have to deal with me when you already have so much going on. Im not asking you to do anything, for that matter. I just needed to get this off of my chest. I cant keep it in any more. I think the whole reason why im even ranting about this is because i was so, so fucking scared asking you out. I knew you liked me because, god you werent subtle at all, but the thought of something going wrong sent me through several panic attacks

Crutchie Morris [1:54 AM]: and i dont want this to make you feel bad. I really dont. Im fine! Its fine that you broke up with me and i completely understand! Its just… hard knowing that i walked into this and what you did was exactly what i was fearing. It makes me feel dumb. Stupid to think i could ever get chance at something good and it would stay. Its never worked before, why in the hell would it work now?

Crutchie Morris [1:57 AM]: i guess what im saying is sorry. Sorry for being so foolish and asking you out. Sorry for listening to race when he told me i should go for it before i lost the chance. Sorry that i took the chance and it wasnt worth it. Sorry that i care so much about a stupid not even a month long relationship. Sorry that I wasnt born right and thats what held us back. Sorry that we never got an actual chance. Sorry that im me and thats why it didnt work. Sorry that we met at the wrong time, the wrong place, and we couldnt be something. 

 

He read over all the messages he sent once. He took a couple screenshots, just incase. Sighing, Crutchie deleted each and every message one at a time. Locking his phone, Crutchie rolled over in bed again. 

He’d face Jack tomorrow. He’d ignore his thoughts and act like he wasn’t feeling what he was. It’d be fine.

They’d be fine.


End file.
